I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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