My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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