I want to stick my p in your. b.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
