i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize