i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
