You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
