yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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