watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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