you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We're too hungover to prance.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
