Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
