Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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