Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
