I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
