My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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