end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
