Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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