margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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