I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
