so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
