She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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