the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
