Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
