last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
