Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
