Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
