Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
