You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
