i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
not ubering you a puppy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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