I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
