I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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