my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
