it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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