Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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