i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
