he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
