In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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