Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
