You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
