Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
