Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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