i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
