I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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