hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
