Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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