What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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