I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
