Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
