We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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