he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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