I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
