who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
