These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
