in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
