"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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