Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
