You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
