walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
