TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
