i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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