You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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