If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We had sex on a dog bed..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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