Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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