i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
