and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There was a lot of him and a little penis
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
