You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
