We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
