we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize