I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
