Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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