oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
