Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
