I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
