Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize