So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
