Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
