Sry I called you an 8
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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