Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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