I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
