The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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