My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My ass is underappreciated
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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